来吧 过来 我的乖儿子 Come, come to me, mi hijo.
蒂芙妮 你哭了 Tiffani, you are crying.
怎么了 宝贝 Why, my darling?
恩斯托 我和太多男人一起过了 Ernesto, it's just I've been with so many men.
很多吗 Have there been many?
也不算 No.
就算你和百万个男人睡过也没关系 It will not matter If you have been with millions of men.
好吧 你的身体开始发烫 Well, you're getting warm.
和其他男人只有性爱 With other men it's just sex.
空虚的性爱 激情数天尽逝 Random trashy sex that goes on for days.
但和你一起 But with you,
才是真正的做爱 I will finally make love.
恩斯托 我爱你 不可自拔 Ernesto, I totally love you.
我要留下很多孩子 I want to make Many children.
没错 要孩子 Yes, children.
给我你的种吧 Put children in me now!
干我吧 Fuck me now!
再猛点 恩斯托 快来 Harder, Ernesto, come on.
真爽 干我吧 像民工一样猛 Oh, yes, fuck me like a day laborer.
宝贝 从后面来 Yeah, baby, take me from behind.
使劲干我 我就是你的性爱机器 Use me, treat me like a fuck machine.
-从后面来 -对 现在就进来 - In the butt? - Yes, in the butt, now.
蒂芙妮 还是到此为止吧 Tiffani, we must stop.
你敢停我就阉了你 If you stop I'll rip off your dick
拿着老二自己玩 And shove it in there myself.
蒂芙妮 我们正在棺材里 Tiffani, we're in a coffin.
闭嘴 Shut up
你他妈毁了我的意淫 You're ruining my fantasy.
蒂芙妮 Tiffani.
见鬼 我要发言 Shit, my speech.
谢了 恩斯托 Gracias, Ernesto.
我爱葬礼 I love funerals.
凯雅和麦克热爱生命 Kyle and mark loved life,
因此今天我们共聚一堂 And that's why We're here today.
我的儿子以身为同性恋而自豪 My son was so proud Of his homosexuality
他希望大家知道他的死因 That he would want you all to know exactly how he died.
我儿子以80公里的飙速摆脱了尘世 My son rocketed off this mortal coil at 80 miles an hour
冲下罗纳里根高速公路 Down the Ronald Regan freeway
当时他正给心爱的男人吹箫 While giving the man he loved a blowjob.
根据尸检报告 According to the autopsy report,
麦克快高潮时 As mark began to bust a nut,
席琳·迪翁的巡回巴士逆道行驶 Celine dion's tour bus appeared
迎面开来 Going in the wrong direction.
在撞毁的一刻 Upon impact,
我的孩子们共同高潮 共同死去 My boys came together. And they died together,
共同攀上至福的高峰 Doing what they loved.
阿门 Amen.
凯雅的密友 Kyle's best friend,
蒂芙妮·王德斯 Tiffani vanderslut,
为我们准备了一段特别的颂词 Has prepared a special tribute.
我可不用密友来定义 我们的关系 I wouldn't call us best friends exactly.
轮到你当主角了 This number goes out to you,
凯雅和麦克 Kyle and mark.
他们的死讯真挺糟糕的 Kinda sucks they're dead, huh?
我记得有次 I remember the time
凯雅在我前男友面前扮直男 Kyle pretended to be straight For my ex boyfriend, troy,
还给我口交 Who made him eat my pussy.
结果事情就... And then everything went...
算了 这段历史不光彩 Well, maybe that's not an appropriate memory.
至于麦克 And mark.
说实话 我不怎么了解你 Actually I hardly knew you
但不论如何 感谢出席 But whatever, thanks for coming.
我要唱一支女童军 Here's a little diddy
教我的小曲 I learned in girl scouts.
我得看看歌词 I had to look up the lyrics
来了 Online.
我的主啊 My lord,
哦 主啊 Oh lord
有人在祈祷 我的主 Someone's praying, my lord,
哦 主啊 Oh lord,
有人在祈祷 我的主 Someone's praying, my lord,
有人蠢蠢欲动 我的主啊 Someone's squirming, my lord,
有人欲火焚身 我的主啊 Someone's horny, my lord,
就是这样 我的主啊 Oh yes, my lord!
上帝啊 这歌太难了 Oh, god, it's so hard,
我要去 祷告一下 I just need to... Pray.
主啊 聆听我们的祈祷 Lord, hear our prayer.
我会爱上这小镇的 I'm gonna love this town.
这不算贵 It isn't much,
但我不可能帮你交租 But I can give you a good deal on the rent.
它是最佳选择 It's perfection.
你没找其他房子 You haven't seen it.
离你家很近啊 It's near my aunt,
这还不够好吗 What more could I want?
家具是挺齐全 Well, it is furnished
有家人在身边总是好的 And it'll be nice to have family around.
谢谢 海伦阿姨 Thank you, aunt helen.
要是你和凯雅 I just wish you and kyle
能多相处点就好了 Could've spent more time together.
他知道你是同志吗 Did he know you were a mo?
直到一年前我还以为自己是异性恋 I didn't know I was a mo until like a year ago.
胡说 小甜甜 Color me, britney.
我一直觉得你 I always thought you were gayer
比午夜剧场的舞女还娘 than a midnight screening of showgirls.
我是后知后觉型的 I was one of those clueless gays.
大家都知道了我才醒悟过来 Everyone knew but me.
你什么时候破菊的 So when did you finally get your man-cherry popped?
海伦阿姨 Aunt helen!
你连这都想听 You don't wanna hear about that.
当然啊 Of course I do.
不听怎么当好阿姨 I wouldn't be a good aunt If I didn't.
696?是当地号码吗? 696? is that local?
葬礼上那个小贱人蒂芙妮 我把你号码给她了 I gave your number to that slut from the funeral, tiffani.
我喜欢她 Oh, I love her.
凯雅可崇拜她了 Kyle adored her.
你也该认识几个新朋友 And, I thought you might need some new friends,
虽然都不是什么好鸟 Even if they are loser whores.
你好? Hello?
卡西 卡西 卡西 Casey, casey, casey.
蒂芙妮 Hey, tiffani.
你怎么知道是我 How did you know It was me?
我还记得你葬礼上诱人的声音 I remembered your sultry voice form the funeral.
恭维对我可不管用 Compliments will get you nowhere
除非你是直男 Unless you're straight.
还能像T先生一样勃起 And hung like mr. t.
真是见鬼 Damn and damn.
据我所知 As I thought.
你阿姨说 你想找份工作 Your aunt tells me you need a job,
咋不用你的小屁屁 Why don't you get your faggoty ass
从霍恩4255车道滚下去 Down to 4255 hawthorne lane.
你真是只牝兽 You are such a stud.
我知道 I know.
你在哪粘的这些玩意? Where have you been sticking these things?
走吧 该干嘛干嘛去 Go on, go get your tramp on.
谢了 海伦阿姨 Thank you, aunt helen.
我是世上最酷的大人 I am the coolest adult in the world.
凯雅啊 Oh, kyle...
我的小国王 My little queen.
美甲美我 我们做指甲的 Nail me, we do nails.
放松性服务 With release!
不是啦 我开玩笑的 No, I'm kidding, I mean,
除非你真够性感 性感吗 Unless you're a really hot guy. Are you?
很遗憾您不能体会我们的招牌幽默 Well, I'm sorry you don't find my brand of humor...
若我冒犯了您那基督的玻璃心 真是对不起 I'm sorry I offended your christian sensibility,
但如果您崇拜的是 But if you worship a guy
一个挂在十字架上的人 Who was hung on a cross,
那你也不需要惦记指甲了 Nails should be the last thing on your mind.
谁要服务这种客人 Who needs customer like her anyway.
我们要啊 We do
你这女人 我又没跟你说话
给你介绍下姑娘们 Let me introduce you to the girls.
潘潘 糖糖 Pam, candy.
这是来吸引同志客人的清洁工
他太瘦了吧
同志都喜欢肌肉型的
也不是 有些人喜欢清瘦型的
把腿大大拉开 猛地进入他
她们很欢迎你 They said they can't wait to get to know you.
真好 Cool.
告诉她们我很荣幸 Tell them I feel the same way.
他说对他好点 不然移民局要来找麻烦了
得了吧
你就没一句真话
基本上你就负责打扫 接电话 Basically, you sweep up, take phone calls
然后听我们的吩咐 And do whatever we say.
没问题吧 Can you handle that?
当然没问题 Is madonna awesome?
好吧 Okay.
不管怎么说 工作是你的了 Well the job's yours anyway,
但有个规矩 But there's one little catch.
你得跟我一起来搞定这件事 You have to come with me to this event thingy.
我爱做实事 I love event thingies.
别急 You try too hard.
来吧 Come on.
现在? Right now?
工作怎么办? What about work?
操他妈的工作 Fuck them.
你也欠操 Fuck you, too.
来这干什么? What are we doing here?
我不喜欢这里 I don't like places like this.
我也不喜欢 Me neither,
但这里有集资活动 But they have this fundraiser
拍卖无上装肌肉男的约会 Where they auction off dates with shirtless beefcakes.
开放到裸体酒吧 Nudity and open bar.
你要带我去那种地方? You're taking me to that?!
不是现在 两周内 No, it's in two weeks.
是你带我去 And you're taking me.
凯雅也准备去的 可惜他死了 Kyle was going to, but, you know, he's dead.
所以你要去当志愿者 So you're going to volunteer
帮我弄些免费门票 And get us free tickets.
我可不是什么热辣肌肉男 But I'm so not a hot shirtless man.
你连男人都不算 You're hardly a man at all
没人会拍卖你的 No one would pay for you,
在后台就会被刷下来 You'll help out behind the scenes.
为什么要做这种事? Why would I do that?
因为是我给你的工作 I gave you that job
我随时可以请个外劳取代你 And I can replace you with an immigrant, like that!
好吧 好吧 Okay, okay,
我只是还不适应全是同志的场合 It's just that I'm not into the whole gay scene.
欢迎来到完全同志场合 Welcome to the whole gay scene.
你们是来当志愿者的吗 Are you kids here To volunteer?
不是我 是卡西 I'm not but casey is.
棒极了 Fabulous.
亲爱的 你为什么发抖啊 Darling, you're shaking
像只可怜的吉娃娃 Like a little chihuahua.
别害怕 Don't be nervous,
我不咬人的 咬的不多 I don't bite...much.
他没当过志愿者 He's never volunteered before.
原来是个雏啊 Oh, a virgin.
如果破菊不算的话 If you don't count Anal.
总之 Well, either way,
填好这个表格 Fill out this paperwork
然后把你介绍给 And then I'll have zack,
志愿者组长扎克 Our volunteer coordinator,
看看你适合 Meet with you and figure out
哪个职位 Which position You'd be most comfortable in.
就这样吧 So to speak.
所以我才不喜欢这种地方 That's why I don't like these places.
聒噪的老人是他们的主力军 They're full of these Old horn dogs
要死不活的 Looking to get laid.
老天啊 Jesus.
有本事就把电视新闻老头都炒了啊 Lay off the fox news.
不是开玩笑 我总听说 Really, I always hear
"同志团体"这个 'the gay community' this,
"同志团体"那个 The 'gay community' that.
据我所知就是一群只要性不要爱 But all I see are a bunch of drunk assholes Looking for sex,
四处寻刺激的酒鬼 Who don't care anything About relationships.
打断一下 Excuse me,
玛丽亚是个优雅的名字 Maria full of grace,
但实际上和直人酒吧毫无区别 But that doesn't sound any different than any straight bar.
臭汗兮兮的醉鬼 Drunk sweaty men.
流着口水 手脚还不规矩 Drooling, groping,
将他们的男子魅力全施展在 Pressing their manhood all up against
舞池中柔软的屁股上 Your supple ass On the dance floor.
妈呀 你比我还要Gay God, you are gayer Than I am.
小亲亲 Honey,
我比克文·斯培西(美国电影演员) I'm gayer than a kevin spacey
安德森·库珀鸡肉卷还要Gay Anderson cooper chicken wrap,
那又怎么样 And what's wrong with that?
没什么 只是... Nothing, it's just
我为同志团体以性爱为核心感到失望 I'm disappointed at how sex-centric the gay community is.
这是同性恋 It's called homosexual,
不是柏拉图 Not homo-hug-ual,
要不你还想怎么样? What did you expect?
再浪漫一点? Romance?
我想坐着滑板环游世界 领养孩子 I want to travel the world on scooters, adopt children.
孩子只是流产的幸存者 Children are just abortions that eat.
你知道吗 You know what?
你省省吧 我才不会同意那愚蠢的 Forget it, I am not signing that stupid...
我的神啊 My fuck.
听说你拿到报名表了 I see you got your paperwork.
我现在就签字 Just let me sign it.
非常好 Cool.
乔纳森? Jonathan?
卡西 Casey.
我是扎克 I'm zack.
这是谭迪 This is tandy.
我是他最好的朋友 I'm his best friend.
巧了 That's so funny,
我也是和好朋友一起来的 蒂芙妮 I'm here with my best friend, tiffani.
不 我比较接近你老板吧 No, I'm more like your boss.
我们好友的名字都是T打头 Best friends with t names.
是啊 我们应该成立一个组合 Yeah, we should like form a club.
抱歉 我得去拉屎了 Excuse me, i gotta go take a shit.
我和她一起去 I'll come with.
你脱衣服会有心理压力吗 So you're comfortable taking off your clothes?
什么? What?
假设你是个志愿者 I just assumed you were volunteering
在男子拍卖会上做个性感的男人 To be one of the studs In the male sale.
显然...我不是个 I'm clearly not a...
性感的男人 Stud.
你是个...性感的男人吗 Are you a...a stud?
我是说在男子拍卖会上 I mean in the male sale?
是啊 我是竞拍品 Yes, I'm in the auction.
但这里的事我也做点 But I sorta do everthing around here
你怎么会来做志愿者的 so, wow, how'd you get into volunteering?
我负责同志学习班的学分 I'm running credit for this faggotry studies class
在这里也能多认识人 And it's a good way To meet people.
没错 totally good way.
他们看上去相处得不错 well, they look Like they're getting along.
我们该开始假装和睦了 I guess we have to pretend to like each other now.
你可真在行啊 wow, you're really good at it.
你都会些什么 what are some of your skills?
啊? huh?
你不参与拍卖 things you can do to help with the auction?
那能为拍卖做些什么 Since we can't sell you.
你呢 What are your skills?
做宣传册 画面设计什么的 Brochures, visual stuff,
我是学设计的 I'm an art major.
我负责设计海报 I design all the posters here.
我连在手机上画笑脸都不会 I can't even Make a smiley on my cellphone.
那你能写吗 can you write?
发短信算吗 does texting count?
你可以抄抄我设计的宣传单什么的 maybe you could write the copy for one of the flyers I'm designing.
我们一起做 We could work on it together.
那太好了 I'd love to.
能留个电话吗 can I get your number?
真的吗 really?
对啊 你表格上没填 yeah, you didn't write it on your form.
好 oh, yeah.
-知道蓝波斯菊咖啡馆吗 -知道 - do you know the blue dahlia caf? - uh, yeah.
好 明天下午四点在那儿见 let's meet there tomorrow At 4:00.
给你说一下工作 We'll put you to work.
这是我的电话 okay, well, here's My number and you can have it
你愿意的话也可以记一下 Too, if you want to...
扎克 zack!
我们可以离开这鬼地方了吗 Can we leave this dump already?
我觉得这怪物 I can feel the troll
毁了我们的青春呢 Sucking our youth away.
莱昂内 lionel.
我男朋友 This is my boyfriend.
真棒 oh, great
我们俩单独谈谈 现在 me, you, talk in private. Now.
不好意思 excuse us.
如果这样你就不用来了 You didn't have to come If you're gonna be like this.
是你一直抱怨在一起的时间太少 you're the one complaining we never get to spend Enough time together.
-我来了 -你那些朋友也跟来了 - Well, here I am. - with your friends.
我们可是来当这破拍卖会的商品的 We're letting you auction us off for this dump.
好歹感谢吧 Be grateful.
我们走 Let's get out of here.
我还有一小时才下班 I'm signed up For another hour.
我他妈帮你掩饰好了 I'll fucking cover for you.
不用了 you don't have to do that.
我愿意 oh, but I want to.
这个无赖让我浑身发麻 Besides, fleabag here Gives me a rash.
我他妈碰都不想碰你 but I wasn't anywhere near your pussy.
让他滚 get him the fuck Out of here.
谢了 谭迪 thanks, tandy.
再见 伙计 See you soon, buddy.
好 yeah, sounds....
事情总是这样 Like that'll happen.
他那么贴心 友善 又性感 He's sweet, nice, and hot.
当然早就有主了 Of course he's taken.
不 他们只是床上合得来 No, he's just Ass-pussy whipped.
关系长不了 They won't last long.
安心吧 "伙计" "buddy."
别这么当真嘛 don't take it so personally.
为什么非要在一起 why are we together,
我们根本没有共同点 We don't like doing the same things.
当然有 we like doing the same things.
口交不算 swallowing doesn't count.
当然算 这是额外学分 swallowing counts. It's extra credit.
都六个月了 我还是觉得你在躲我 it's been six months And I still feel You're pulling away.
谁叫你一直粘着我 because you're always Clinging on to me.
你连当众承认关系都不敢 you won't even call us boyfriends in public.
你想让我操你 you know you want me Inside you.
不 我生气了 我不喜欢这样 no. I'm mad, I'm not happy With how things are going.
有一件事你很擅长 you're good at one thing.
莱昂内 Lionel.
你做得很棒 you're great at it.
不要 please, don't.
我竟然又做起来了 I can't believe I'm doing this.
求求你停下吧 Please stop.
我不想做 I don't want to do this.
我不想 I don't wanna....
没人比得上你 No one does it better Than you.
只要你愿意 随时都可以 粘人熊 You can cling on to that Anytime you like, snuggle bear.
我们完了 出去 we're through, get out.
至少先让我高潮吧 can I at least Come first?
滚 get out!
好啦 come on.
你真舍得? Are you ready To say goodbye to this?
再不出去我就拿门摔你 I'll slam the door on it If you don't get the fuck out.
祝你找到跟我一样性感的下一任 good luck trying to find Someone as hot as me.
我在你门前高潮好了 I'm gonna come right here on your front door.
你知道你想要这个 Yeah, you know you wish you were sucking this.
我在干什么啊 what am I doing?
操 Oh, fuck yeah.
好好享受单身吧 神经病 You know what? Enjoy being alone, whack job.
找到了 found him!
你这个跟踪狂 wow, stalker much
我该怎么打招呼 what should I say?
我是个孤独的变态 I'm a lonely psychopath
见面不到一个小时就爱上你了 That look you up Within an hour of meeting you.
对 我得等到明天 yes, I should wait Until morning.
他会以为你整晚上都在想他 then he'll think You obsessed about him All night.
你到底懂不懂网络啊 Don't you know anything About the internet?
你应该编份假资料 You should make a fake profile.
什么 what?
假装是无意中碰到的陌生人 pretend to be A total random stranger
这样就能知道他的一切了 So you can find out All his personal details.
人们总是对陌生人说实话 People are honest With strangers.
我的假名叫蒙蒂娣 My fake name Is tittsy montgomery.
我要知道他是否想要真感情 I could find out If he wants a serious relationship.
我想知道的更多 他小弟弟多大之类 I was thinking more like cock size but whatever.
你需要张完美的假照片 You need the perfect fake picture
我有一个最合适的人选 And I know the perfect person.
太棒了 这是谁啊 holy rim job, Who is that?
我火辣至极的前男友 赖安 my incredibly hot ex bf, Ryan.
跳脱衣舞的 He's a stripper.
我本想用他安慰 He was supposed to be My rebound
我因T先生受伤的心灵 after troy Broke my heart
不过他舌技火辣 所以我没踹了他 But he has a good tongue, So I let him stay.
那你怎么跟他分手的 why did you break up With that?
你男朋友知道了怎么办 what if your boyfriend Finds out?
我们关系很开放 we have An open relationship.
是吗 uhh, we do?
赖安 不是你想的那样 Ryan, this is not What it looks like.
我们也不是 neither is this.
我们有过约定的 we had commitment issues.
后来他去图森了 Anyway, he moved to tucson
所以呢 用他的照片绝对没问题 So it's totally safe To use his pictures.
为什么要让扎克 why would I want Zack
跟一个比我火辣的人聊天呢 To talk to someone Way hotter than I am.
你什么时候向一个丑陋的陌生人 敞开心扉过 when's the last time You opened up to an ugly stranger?
何况 你知道想要的事情后 Besides, you find out What you need to know,
赖安就会消失了 Then Ryan will disappear.
用假资料 是最便利的方法 A fake profile is the perfect wingman.
好吧 Okay.
好 就这么干 Okay, let's do this.
我叫什么 What's my name?
赖安 Ryan.
你同意以下条款吗 Do you agree to the following terms and conditions.
第一条 Number one,
同志空间网站 Gayspacebook.com...
同意 白痴 Agree, you nerd!
这些东西都得好好读 你永远不知道 Aou should really Read these things, You never know.
你是朝圣者吗 What are you, a pilgrim?
别白痴了 I bet you avoid Handicap spaces. and vote.
最喜欢的电影? Favorite movie?
当然是罗马假日 Roman holiday, of course.
同性恋还是异性恋者 Straight acting or not?
就说 我就是同性恋 Put, "i'm gay,
什么扮异性恋同性恋的 "why should I act anything But what I am."
你真是太有才了 oh, you are scary good, Girl.
分手疗伤一夜情 快来啊 come on, breakup sex.
你真火辣 但愿你住得够近 You are a hottie, let's hope You're next door
我可不想开车 Cause I don't feel like driving.
扎克卡迪 即插即用?
不了 谢谢
想要寻找什么 looking for?
首先 我想跟你之间有点特别的东西 First I want to develop Something special with you,
然后再享受似火的激情 Then we fuck each other's Brains out.
真是浪漫与下流的完美结合 对吧 Perfect combination Of romantic and nasty, right?
随便 没人看这个 whatever, No one reads those,
爱写什么写什么 Just write them.
主题 嗨 嗨 扎克卡迪
真诱人 yummy.
天哪 是他 我该怎么办 怎么回 oh, my god, it's him. What do I do? What do I write?
知道什么就写什么 write what you know.
你这种情况就算了 Well, in your case, don't.
等于没说 you're not helping.
-你好 -看到你的资料 打个招呼
冷静处理 gotta play it cool.
嗨 hey.
真够浪漫的 That's so romantic.
刚分手 愿意帮助心伤陌生人 kindly help A broken hearted stranger
和他做爱吗 With hours of meaningless sex!
天哪 愿意 oh god, yes.
不想这么直接 还是先了解一下吧
好 了解一下吧 so, get to know me.
靠 oh shit!
-他能看见我们吗 -看不见 - Can he see us? - no.
我没开摄像头 My camera's not on.
我这边没摄像头
理由不错 likely story.
那你问吧 So, ask away.
为什么分手了
谢谢你这么直白 Thanks for starting off easy.
我受够了 I didn't want to put up With his shit anymore.
怎么
你知道那种感觉吗 You know how you tell yourself
总是欺骗自己说会好起来的 That it's gonna get better?
明知道不可能 You know it's not,
却总拿他过去的点滴温柔 But you hang on o any little good thing He does
说服自己事情会好起来 To prove that it might get better.
什么样的点滴温柔?
他好像也没做过什么 Well, I guess There weren't any.
就只有火辣刺激的性爱而已 Then it was just the really hot sex.
如果你跟我在一起
我既会给你激情 又会给你真正的柔情
你怎么知道我想要什么 How do you know What the little good things are?
你的眼睛泄露你的秘密
好 说说看 Okay, try me.
你是个艺术家 you're an artist.
我和你去美术馆约会 I'd take you to a museum.
你好像喜欢篮球 You look like a basketball fan.
我给你买湖人队比赛门票 Lakers tickets.
带你做按摩 一起喝美酒 Massage, good bottle of wine.
我还会 And little things
不用开口 我就会为你拿喝的 Like bringing you Something to drink Without you having to ask.
干得好 温馨女士 well done, ms. cleo.
你能马上过来吗 what can I do To get you to come over here Right now.
靠 oh, strip.
别这么急 我们先约会吧
约会? 你已经彻底了解我了 date? You already know me Inside and out,
我觉得我们已经相爱了 I think I'm in love.
等一下 我知道了 Wait, I know.
你不来的话 If you don't come over...
不会吧 he is not!
你就会错过 这个 here's What you'll be missing.
闪开 get out of my way!
靠 Holy clit!
-天哪 -会话框已关闭 oh, my god.
妈的 oh shit.
竟然 I cannot believe...
你把橙汁泼上面了 you spilled Your sunny delight.
怎么搞的 How could you?
你欠我一台电脑 you owe me a computer!
还有一个男朋友 And a boyfriend.
假的 he's a fake.
哪有这么火辣 这么迷人的 No one can be that hot and that nice,
这不符合自然规律 像你一样 It's against the nature. Like you
可他有很多照片啊 不可能是假的 but he has tons Of profile pictures, He must be real.
你还相信好莱坞女孩那出电视剧是真的 you still believe The hills is real.
如果他是假冒的 if he was a fake,
那就会看我手淫了 He would've watched me jack off.
我刚才稍微 性兴奋了一下下 I just threw up a little bit in my pussy.
出去约会可能不太合适 maybe it's not A good idea for us to hang out?
你不是吧 I don't believe you.
扎克现在没男友了 zack's single now,
赖安的存在也没意义了 So the reason we invented ryan Doesn't matter anymore.
为什么还要继续骗他呢 I mean, why keep up The charade?
那你为什么给他发邮件? why email him at all?
直接消失不就得了 Just disappear.
你仍在假装赖安 You're still Pretending to be ryan,
虽然只是想甩掉他 Even if it is just To dump him.
我只是出于礼貌而已 I'm just being polite.
不 你想维持他和 No, you're just keeping him
他的下半身对赖安的兴趣 and his pretty dick hanging on,
万一你失败的话 So you still have access to him In case he doesn't go
还可以用赖安的身份接近他 For exhibit a.
没错 you're right.
如果他喜欢的是赖安那样的型男 If he normally gets prime rib Like ryan,
又怎么会跟一个 Why would he settle for...
火鸡汉堡在一起 Turkey burger?
我搞砸了 假装先生不想理我了 I blew it, mr.fake doesn't wanna meet me.
因为根本没这个人 Because he's not real.
都怪我太主动了 Because i came on too strong.
没错 你这型一般不受同志待见 Oh yeah. gay men hate guys came on too strong
他本来对我很有兴趣的 He was trying to get to know me
我总是这样 煮熟的鸭子飞了 But I went from zero to sixty-nine like i always do.
还有无数男人前仆后继等着你 There are millions of other men there who can fuck first
之后就会陷入爱河了 And then fall in love.
我谁都不要 我就要他 But I don't want other men, I want him.
我妈可不希望我和同志厮混 My mom warned me I was turning into a fag hag.
你这不是厮混啊 You're not a fag hag.
我会变成口交酒醉基男 I'm gonna be a fat spinster
而获得满足的老处女的 whose only sexual outlet is sucking off drunken homos.
我喝多了你就这样 对吧 You'd suck me off if I were drunk, right?
知心大姐的日子一去不复返了 My fag hag days are over.
现在把手指甲和脚趾甲分开 Now separate the finger nails from the toe nails.
你说什么 You, what?
赶快工作 Busy work.
你还有15分钟时间 You still have fifteen minutes left.
我得去约会了 I must get ready for my date.
那可不叫约会 It's not a date, Queef-cake.
我们就是在约会 it's a date,
他还没意识到而已 He just doesn't know it yet.
看谁要傻乎乎地去抛绣球了 My, my, look who went and downloaded some balls.
昨晚在线时他本可以看赖安的照片 He might've seen Ryan's picture online Last night,
但却跟我聊天 But he was talking to me.
我们心有灵犀 We have a connection.
至少我们会一起待到晚上 At least we will by the end of the night.
我得去看看 Fuck, I've got to see this.
你去哪里
去操你老公
贱人
不好意思 我迟到了 Sorry I'm late.
没关系 反正我也没事做 Oh, no problem, i had nothing else to do.
这么说不太恰当 Wait, that sounds bad.
没有啊 你刚搬过来 No, it doesn't, you just moved here.
我给这个宣传单页设计了点东西 I...i drafted up some ideas for the male sale flyers.
我搜到了你的照片 I google-imaged you.
很不错喔 Whoa, these are great.
还帮我增加了肌肉线条 谢谢 Thanks for giving me extra abs.
谢谢 我真想现在就装上 Thanks for the ego boost, I could really use one right about now.
分手的事我也替你感到难过 I'm sorry about your breakup.
你怎么知道的 How did you know?
莱昂内说的吗 Lionel
他这张贱嘴 He's a big fucking mouth.
所以我不喜欢呆在同志圈 That's one of the reasons I don't like the gay community.
这圈子也不全是那种人 还是有可靠的 I think the gay community is more diverse than you give it credit for.
我觉得 跟你分手真是走宝了 Well, I think he's crazy for breaking up with you.
是我甩了他 I broke up with him.
不好意思 Sorry.
没什么大不了的 No big deal.
莱昂内就算了 He's not what's bothering me.
昨晚我上网认识了个人 赖安 I met this guy online last night, ryan, oh, my god.
你没见过他那种人 简直完美 You have never seen anything like him, and he was so totally into me.
但我搞砸了 Until I blew it.
你说 搞砸了? You think you blew it?
我当时脱得太多了 Yeah, I got too sexual.
严重失误 A fatal flaw.
也许他只是身材比较好 Well, if he was just a hot body, those are...
不仅如此 It was more than that.
他和我心有灵犀 This guy connected with me.
不仅幽默风趣 He was smart and funny
还很了解我 And he knew me.
太完美了 不像是现实中的人 He sounds too good to be true.
也许只是伪装得好 Yeah, he probably is fake.
想不到能跟你说这么多 I can't believe I'm telling you all this.
一般我都不谈自己的社交生活的 I normally don't talk to guys about my social life.
这好像也不错嘛 You seem pretty comfortable.
跟你一起感觉很放松 卡西 You make me feel Comfortable, casey.
你跟我也许能 Hey, maybe sometime You and I could...
天哪 他来了 Oh my god, that's him.
我怎么样 How do I look?
什么 Huh?
我好看吗 How do I look?
很美 Uh...gorgeous.
你确定是他? Are you sure...
祝我好运 Wsh me luck.
走狗屎运了 Good fucking luck.
你好 赖安1989 Hey, ryan1989.
你好 你是... Hey...you.
我还以为是蓝精灵之类的虚构人物 I was beginning to think you were imaginary like a smurf or something.
我从头到脚都很真实的 Nope, I'm all real.
再说一遍吧 You can say that again.
不说行不行 Mind if I don't?
想想办法啊
你要我怎么办
谁知道 做什么都好
操他妈的快想
操他爸的老蛋
操
再想不出来我就杀了你
别急 我知道了
我们见面了 We're both here,
不如离开这里 You wanna give this a shot
然后一起出去走走 And go out some night?
赖安 看谁回来了 Ryan, look who's back.
图森有没有钢管舞男呢 Don't they have stripper poles in tucson?
蒂芙妮 你做隆胸手术了吗 Tiffany, did you get a boob job?
我一直很丰满 No, I'm still saving up.
你们在说什么 What's going on?
卡西 这是我的网友赖安 Casey, this is Ryan From the internet.
他可比照片上好看多了 是不是 You look so much better than your pictures, doesn't he?
卡西可没见过赖安那张动感照片 Now, how would casey have seen ryan's cute little disco boy picture.
你是说我戴头巾穿黄色健美裤那张吗 Yeah, you mean my picture with the headband and yellow gym shorts.
黄色健美短裤 Yellow mesh gym shorts. Rarrr.
然后你穿着黄色健美短裤 And then there's that one
和金发少妇在海滩独处 接着就勃起了 Where you're on the beach with some blond chick and your bulge.
赖安最爱金发妞 Yeah, ryan loves nailing blonds.
我也爱深褐色头发 Yeah, but I love Nailing brunettes, too.
深褐色头发的女人 Brunette women,
赖安是直男 我们做过 Ryan's straight, we used to fuck.
我有照片 I took that picture.
昨晚他可不是直的 He wasn't straight Last night.
蒂芙妮令我对女人失去性趣 Yeah, after fucking tiffani I just gave up on women.
这种情况总发生在你身上吧 It happens to you a lot, huh?
你这只精虫上脑的猿猴 Oh, you little cum monkey.
言归正传吧 So, let's give this a shot.
你想什么时候出去玩 When do you want to hang out?
怎么搞的 Ugh, this sucks.
我刚撮合了全宇宙最惹火的一对 I just set up the hottest couple in the universe.
那浑身肌肉的身体一起出现 When their hot muscled bodies come together,
简直就是金刚战神 They'll probably form like voltron or something.
他在说谎 He's lying.
如果赖安是同志 我就表演自助口交 If ryan's gay, I'll eat my own twat.
直男才不和男人约会 What kind of straight guy goes on a date with another man?
他在同志酒吧当过脱衣舞男 He was a stripper at a gay bar.
他为了1美元 用小弟弟刷厕所都愿意 He would clean a toilet with his dick for a dollar.
他就是想报复我 He's just trying to get back at me.
扎克问我他们的梦幻约会怎么办 Zack wanna talk to me about what they should do on their barbie dream date
因为觉得和我聊得来 Because I make him feel comfortable.
不是开玩笑 No smiley.
事情严重了 This is serious.
你现在成他GAY中蜜友了 My god, you're like his fag hag now.
我恨我的人生 I hate my life.
卡西 你可以帮我喷防晒喷雾 Casey, great, you can do my back.
天哪 你没事吧 Oh my god, are you ok?
没事 天热有点抽筋 Yeah, it's just a little ouchy, that's all.
抽筋 Ouchy?
没事 别担心 Never mind, it's fine.
帮我喷一下 Good. squirt me.
好的 Okay.
我和以赛亚·华盛顿的刮胡师一样紧张 God, I'm as nervous as isaiah washington's hairdresser.
担心约会的事 About the date?
没错 Yes, about the date.
他人酷身材好 He was so hot and cold
咖啡厅那个? Aat the caf?
他很帅吧 Isn't he cute?
我不太了解那个人 他很性感 I am not really into guys that...hot.
真的吗 Really?
该你了 Okay, your turn.
我不习惯在公众场合脱衣服 Oh, I'm not a taking off my shirt in public kind of guy.
你没皮肤问题吧 Don't tell me you have body issues.
快脱 不然我就动手了 Take it off or I will.
我脱我脱 Okay, okay.
我这种凡人和偶像级的一起 You know, when we, mere mortals, are around gods like you,
当然会自卑... How can we not...
你身材多好啊 Please, you've got a great body.
还有些人根本不运动 And, besides, some guys Like 'em not all exercised.
躺好 Here.
约会该怎么办呢 So what should I do on my date?
除了做爱之外的事吗 You mean besides sex?
想做点和性无关的事 I don't want it to be about sex.
网聊时他想了不少好点子 When we chatted online He had all these ideas for great things to do
所以我也想出点主意 And I wanna come up with some great idea, too.
你梦想的约会是怎样的 Ok, well what's your dream first date?
我没认真想过 Wow, I guess I never really thought about it.
你从没幻想过初次约会? You've never fantasized about the perfect first date?
现实的约会我都应付不来了 I was too busy going on real dates.
吹牛 Asshole.
看来有人想过哦 Well, clearly Someone's thought about it.
说说你的吧 罗密欧 Tell me yours, romeo.
好的 Okay.
我们去意大利 罗马 We're in italy, well, rome.
天哪 你没开玩笑吧 Oh, my god, Are you serious?
-我爱死意大利了 -是吗 - I'm obsessed with italy. - You are?
从小就想去了 Yeah, I've been wanting to go to italy Since I was like three.
我打算毕业后存够钱就去 I'm going after graduation If I can save enough cash.
我现在存了3200元 I've got like $3,200 saved so far.
我也超想去 I can't wait to go.
将来的某一天 Someday.
不可能今晚就和赖安去意大利 Well, I can't exactly take ryan to italy tonight.
有没比较实际的梦幻约会 So, do you got any dream dates that are a little more Practical?
我的梦想约会是很私密的 Okay, well my dream date, It's intimate.
例如 给他做晚餐 就我们两个 Like I make him dinner so it's personal.
在家里做饭 Yeah, something at your place,
只有两个人 不受打扰 Just the two of you, no distractions.
我想到了适合吃饭时聊的话题 Yeah, and maybe I'd have a fun theme for the meal.
-意大利的一切 -完美 - Italian. - Perfetto.
意大利面 灰比诺葡萄酒 意大利音乐 Pasta, pinot grigio, Some funky italian music.
这就够了 第一次约会最好是在 That's all I'd need Because the best first dates are the ones
能轻松聊天的地方 Where the conversation's just really easy.
时间过的很快 And it flows cause
彼此都很专注 You're both listening to each other like you're focused.
当四目相对时 And there are those moments when you're looking Into each other's eyes,
会期待对方是否在想同样的事 Wondering if maybe he's thinking the same thing.
也许某天晚上我们可以 That sometime tonight We're gonna...
亲吻 kiss.
没错 Exactly.
是亲吻 Kiss.
天哪 Oh my god!
怎么了 What?
我知道如何制造完美约会了 You totally inspired me, I have the perfect date.
赶紧走 Scoot.
他绝对想不到的惊喜 He's not gonna know what hit him.
感激不尽 I can't thank you enough.
需要帮忙就短我 Well, text me If you need help!
需要帮忙就短我 Text me if you need help.
如果你想阻止我 不可能 If you're trying to stop me, it won't work.
如果你觉得假扮同志我会吃醋 If you think going on a fake gay date will make me jealous,
那就大错特错了 You're dumber Than a flock of palins.
我不想你吃醋 I don't want that,
我想气炸你 I just wanna piss you off.
你也背叛我了 You cheated too!
不是那件事 It's not about that,
是你把一堆阴毛放进了蛋白粉! It's about you putting pubes in my protein powder the next day.
那不是我的毛 They weren't even mine.
在我的隐形眼镜上戳洞 And poking holes In my contact lenses,
在我的内裤抽屉里放螃蟹 Putting crabs in my underwear drawer.
用我的牙刷去刷... And using my toothbrush to clean the...
我承认我是爱嫉妒的女人 Ok, I'm a jealous woman.
但至少我还有感情 But at least I feel something.
你个冷血脱衣男 用身体当筹码 You're an emotionless stripper Who uses his body as a bargaining chip.
除了塞屁眼的臭钱 And that's not gonna get you anything
你什么都得不到 but a dirty dollar bill shoved up your ass.
你是个肥婆 You're fat.
晚安 做个好梦 Have a good night.
我会做好梦的 I know I will.
赖安 你真准时 Ryan, right on time.
我正想和你聊聊网络的事 Hey, look, I gotta talk to you about this internet thing.
我也是 I know, me too,
先进来 Come on in.
你的资料说 罗马假日 I saw on your profile that roman holiday
是你最喜欢的电影 Is your favorite movie.
我也喜欢 It's also mine.
所以我会给你一趟特别的旅行 So I've got a special little tour for you,
来吧 Come on.
你记得 As you know,
奥黛丽·赫本 When Audrey Hepburn
偷偷地跑出领事馆 Sneaks out of the consulate,
格里高利带她游览罗马 Gregory peck shows her the sights of Rome.
我这里有米开朗基罗画的 So here we have the Sistine Chapel,
"创造亚当" Painted by Michelangelo.
意大利的白酒 Italian wine.
还有一个精确的复制品 Next we have an exact replica
还有特雷维喷泉 Of the Trevi fountain.
这太酷了 That's pretty cool.
下一站 And our last stop
"真理的嘴" Is the mouth of truth,
电影中最经典的片段 The most famous scene in the movie.
把你的手伸进它的嘴里 So put your hand in its mouth
如果你撒谎了 And if you're lying to me
手就会被咬掉 It'll get bitten off.
对了 记得不要跟房东说这个洞的事 And don't tell my landlord about the hole.
吼吼～ Rarrr!
你他妈吓死我了 You scared the shit Out of me!
你的手还在这嘛 Your hand's still here.
我知道你不会骗我的 I knew you wouldn't lie to me.
你太好了 You're an amazing guy
我配不上你 And I don't deserve you.
我要走了 I gotta go.
发短信给我 发短信给我 Text me, text me,
发短信给我 发短信给我 Text me, text me.
我爱你 扎克 I love you, Zack!
能有个倾听感情问题的朋友 It's nice to have a friend who will listen
真是太好了 To my romantic problems.
我说过 有困难就找我 I told you to text me
你找了 If you needed help and you did.
我就来这帮你了 And I'm here to help.
你能帮我找个男朋友吗 can you help me find a boyfriend?
我的天哪 这是"真理之嘴"吗 Oh my god, is that the mouth of truth?
他的资料说最喜欢的电影是 Yeah, his profile said his favorite movie
罗马假日 所以 Was Roman Holiday, so.
你就做了这个 You did that for him?
真傻 It's stupid.
这真是世上最浪漫的事 It's the most Romantic thing I've ever seen.
看 我说的是实话 See, I'm telling the truth.
我制作了整个 Yeah, I actually had
罗马假日之旅 This whole roman holiday tour.
这儿还有圆形角斗场 There's the colossum,
我吃了一半 I ate half of it.
扎克 我有些事必须告诉你 Zack, there's something i should tell you.
我得跟你说实话 I haven't been honest with you.
我... I...
真不凑巧 谁啊 Great, who's that?
天哪 赖安? Oh my god, Ryan?
有些事我必须告诉你 Hey man, there's something i gotta tell you.
你跟他说了吗 Oh, did you tell him?
说什么 Tell me what?
我正准备说 I was just about to.
你不说还真对不起我 Of course you were.
跟你网聊的人不是我 That wasn't me you were talking to online.
是他和蒂芙妮用我的照片 Him and Tiffani made a fake profile
捏造虚拟档案 And used my picture.
什么? What?
我根本没上 那个网站 I don't even have a profile.
我也不是同志 I'm not even gay.
扎克 事情不是这样的 Zack, it's not what it sounds like.
你冒用他的资料 Did you pretend to be him?
是的 不过我不想 Yes, but it was only because I didn't want
被你当成跟踪狂 To look like a stalker,
虽然现在是够像了 Which I know I totally like now.
我多年未述的心底话 My first Genuine conversation in years
居然是对着假人说的 Was with a total fake.
为什么会这样 And why?
因为你想跟我上床? So you can fuck me?
不是 也对啦 No, I mean yes,
但不只是上床 I mean more than that.
之前我说的都是真心话 The things I said were true.
小毛头 你如果喜欢他 Dude, if you liked him,
干嘛不直接告诉他 Why didn't you just tell him.
难道你要我 像傻瓜一样带他 And you let me take you on that whole fucking tour
去他妈的旅行 Like some kind of idiot.
都给我滚 Get the fuck out!
两个都滚 Both of you.
扎克 对不起 Zack, I'm sorry.
那是不是... Is that...
滚! Get out!
我正准备跟他说! I was in the middle of telling him, you know.
那真不好意思了 Sorry man,
你们真是不干好事 It was a crappy thing you guys did.
我只是想 吸引他的注意 I just wanted to get his attention.
那也不需要 用这种方法吧 You coulda got it without getting All stalker-Azzi on him.
在你这种肌肉男面前我能成功吗 With guys like you walking around?
就算我是同志 Even if I was gay,
也不可能跟他在一起 It wouldn't have worked out.
比起我的外型 He was less into what I looked like
你的知心话更能打动他 And more into what you said.
不管怎样 对不起了 Anyway, sorry.
不 都是我自己的错 No, it's my own damn fault.
我是谭迪 请留言 This is tandy, impress me.
但若你是我的同志朋友 And if you're One of my gay friend
约会失败来找安慰的话 And just had a bad date,
我三天内都不会理你 I'm not calling you back for three days.
我可不是你的GAY蜜! Because I'm not a fag hag!
你是卡西吧 Casey, right?
没错 Yeah.
我叫韩髦 I'm Harry.
虽然寒毛也没剩几根了 That's my name,not that I am hairy.
亲爱的 怎么了 Honey, what's wrong?
你的样子活像看见 You look like liberace
靠背钢琴凳的李伯拉斯[美国著名同志钢琴家] After they put the seat back On his piano stool.
有代沟啊 Wrong generation.
算了 Never mind.
看来今晚你需要人陪伴哦 You look like you could use some company tonight.
我没兴趣 Oh, I'm not interested.
亲爱的 你会错意了 Oh, no, darling.
你是很可爱 You're adorable
但配我就太年轻了 But you're far too young for me.
我们俩上床的话活像给小学生教微积分 Us in bed would be like teaching calculus to a preschooler.
不是的 跟床上阅人无数的男人做爱 No. Sex with men who have the maturity
那种感觉真是... Of an experienced lover,
无与伦比 There's nothing quite like it.
废话真多 t.m.i.
你说什么 Pardon?
没什么 Nothing.
我猜测 Let me guess.
是哪个壮男伤了你的玻璃心 Some strapping thing has broken your heart.
有那么明显吗 Is it that obvious?
你伤心得跟麦莉·希拉死了一样(美国女歌手) Either that or miley cyrus Died.
瞧 我也不是那么老土吧 See, I'm not that dated.
确实 有人伤了我的心 Yeah, it's a guy.
不对 是我的错 No, no, it's me.
我就是个混帐 I was a complete jerk.
明知事情不妙 And I knew it while it was happening
还任其发展 But I did it anyway.
现在我也不必 And now I'll never get to show Zack
向扎克表现自己了 What a great boyfriend I can be.
我永远都找不到男朋友 Now I'll never even have a boyfriend.
直到老死 And I'll wind up alone
都是孑然一身... Until I'm all old and...
对不起 Sorry.
亲爱的 Oh dear heart,
比单身更糟的事情可多了 There's worse things than not having a boyfriend.
那就像赤脚跋涉五千里雪地 Like trudging bare foot uphill through five miles of snow
寻找最近的同志酒吧 Just to find the nearest homosexual saloon.
开玩笑的 It was a joke.
我还没老到那个地步 I'm not that old.
没有吗 You're not?
这话还真不可爱 Well now that was just not pretty
我要说前景虽渺茫 All I'm saying is, as dark as it may seem,
但你们这代人找对象 I think your generation has it pretty easy
肯定比我这一辈的容易得多 When it comes to finding all the other fish in the sea.
我敢说 你现在想的 I bet you're thinking right now
正是以前我认为 That the obvious solution is someting that
摆脱失恋的最佳办法 I used to do when I was trying to get over someone.
什么办法 What's that?
我曾以为 滚床单是疗伤的最佳方式 Well I used to think That a good roll in the hay
但我错了 Would be all I needed But I was wrong.
一夜情对疗伤不管用 Sleeping with someone to get over someone else never works.
你是卡西 对吧 Casey, right?
对 yeah.
相信我 行不通的 Trust me on this, it never works.
想不想去其他地方坐坐 You want to go somewhere and talk?
别去 Never.
好啊 Sure.
永远学不乖 Never learn.
那酒太烈了 That drink was strong,
像吸血一样猛 Like drinking blood straight from other's vein
天哪 认识你真好 God, I'm glad I met you.
我前任男友扎克 那个混蛋 Last guy I dated, Zack,such a fucking loser.
吻技高超 He was a good kisser.
吻技常被高估啊 Kissing's overrated.
他好到什么程度 How good was he?
绝妙难忘 Incredible.
总是相同的开始 Always started off the same way.
浅吻两次 Two pecks.
然后深入 Then a deeper kiss.
轻咬下唇 Followed by a bite to the lower lip.
再来一次 And repeat.
别走 Get back in.
上床吧 We should fuck.
那是你的床吗 Is that your bed?
我不习惯刚认识就上床 I don't usually do that on the first...
嗯 我也不习惯 Yeah, neither do i.
我就来 Right behind you.
怎么 不怕我吃了你 How can I hurt you today?
我们必须谈谈 We gotta talk.
没什么好说的 We have nothing to talk about.
就五分钟 行了吧 Five minutes,That's all I ask.
你得先预约做护理 You need to have an appointment.
你不是和扎克一起了吗 找我干嘛 What do you mean,I thought you were gay for Zack.
拜托 Come on
你知道我不是同志 You know I'm not gay.
这脚趾头跟鸵鸟爪子似的
我跟你赌气罢了 You know I was just Trying to piss you off.
哼 我才不气呢 你个老鸟 Well, it didn't work, Clit monger.
-那贱精又扯谎了 -我才没呢
你干嘛想帮他们 Why would you want to help them.
他们俩天生一对 They seem like they actually belong together.
是我从中作梗坏事 And I messed that up.
天哪 你居然会愧疚 My god, you have feelings?
没见你偷情搞破坏的时候愧疚过呢 I thought your fortes was cheating And home wrecking.
你也偷情啊 You cheated too.
他还没插进来呢! He wasn't inside me yet.
我们都有错 We both fucked up.
但这次是弥补的机会 But this is our chance to do something right.
太帅了 Tyr a moment.
臭鸵鸟脚
怎么把他们约到一块 How do we get them together?
扎克肯定情愿跟你或者我 Zack clearly prefers to be with gorgeous people
这种型人见面 Like me and you.
要有型不是光靠健身 It takes a lot more than a gym and some cucumbers
和敷脸就行的 To make someone gorgeous.
但卡西这种清粥小菜入不了扎克的眼 The point is Casey isn't even on Zack's menu.
没错! Exactly!
我们真是跑错餐厅点错菜 We're ordering from the wrong menu.
应该让扎克到 We gotta go to another restaurant
吃热狗的小餐厅才对 Where Zack is and order the hot dog.
因为我们做的只是小面包 Because we really just want the bun.
设法把他俩拉到一块约会 Or we could trick them into a date.
我就是这个意思 That's what I just said.
大弟弟 Hey there sausage,
拉着一张脸干啥呢 Why the long dick.
是你啊 oh, it's you.
没错 就是我 Yes, it's me,
没心没肺的婊子 The slut with the heart of shit.
不想跟你吵架 No argument here.
我知道 对不起 I know. I'm sorry,
我请你喝酒吧 赔你一趟打飞机也行 I owe you a cocktail,or at least a hand job
你做得够多了 太够了 You've done enough, really.
其实 你要补偿也可以 Actually, there is something you can do.
给我找个猛男拍卖会的主持人 Find me an auctioneer for the male sale.
我来吧 I'll do it.
我以前在继父的牧场主持畜牧拍卖 I used to run the auction at my stepfather's jude ranch.
-真的? -是啊 - Really? - Yeah.
不了解我的人太多了 There's a lot people don't know about me.
听着 你要知道 Listen. You need to know the truth
卡西那件事的真相 about what went down with Casey.
卡西舔我的蛋去吧 Casey can suck my balls.
他想要的也不过如此 Well, that's what he's been trying to say all along.
你知道我什么意思 You know what I mean.
我知道 I know.
改天请你喝一杯吧 Come on, let me buy you a drink later.
这种时候更不能 一个人硬撑 You shouldn't be alone during this delicate juncture.
我也是过来人 清楚得很 Trust me, I've been there.
你的GAY蜜呢 Where is your faghag anyway
没关系 我代她陪你 Oh, come on, i'll sub for her.
你代替不了密友的角色啦 You can't sub for a best friend.
你是同志 You're gay
我是波霸直女 And I'm a straight girl of big tits.
基因决定了 Evolution has genetically programmed us
我们的牵绊 To be there for each other.
如同海葵和小丑鱼的共生相伴 Like the clown fish and the sea anemone.
怎么样 Now, what'd you say?
我喜欢他白白的小屁股
卡西 Casey!
你 我 今晚喝酒去 You, me, drinks.Tonight.
不要 No.
你跟同志出去算什么 What's up with you going out with gay guys.
把你的事搅黄了 算我赔你的 I want to make up for screwing up your game.
不用了 蓝带啤酒什么的 Yeah, I don't think a blue ribbon
直男饮料恐怕没什么帮助 or whatever it is straight guys drink is gonna help.
我给你加个小纸伞装饰好了 I'll put an umbrella in it.
说定了 我六点来接你 Awesome. I'll pick you up at 6:00.
说定了 Awesome.
凯西交了个直人男友耶
总比有个玻璃老公强
是我 It's me.
都安排好了 We're set.
赞 好好当个脱衣舞男 Great! Now be a good little stripper
不择手段地让那些男孩儿们 And do whatever it takes to get those boys all
神魂颠倒 欲火中烧吧 Horned up and ready to blow.
我觉得他们 不仅仅在乎性爱 I think they care about more than sex.
老天 你这么说 Jesus, you sound
感觉像个腼腆的小姑娘 Like a woman that isn't me.
他们当然在乎性爱 Of course they care about sex.
如果不的话 If they don't,
就让他们酒后乱性 That's what the alcohol's for.
你只管按计划行事 Well, you just show up when you're supposed to.
亲爱的 我像避孕套一样可靠呢 Honey, I'm a as reliable as birth control.
避孕套也不是百分百可靠 That's not a 100%.
随你说啦 Take it or leave it.
谭迪 怎么啦 女英豪 Tandy, what's up dragon lady?
我看到你的来电显示 I got your non-call,
你他妈的下次要留言 Leave a fucking v.m. next time.
你说不想听任何男同问题 You said you didn't want to hear about gay problems.
说得好 感谢再度上映 Good point, thanks for sparing me
同志亦凡人 The queer as folk rerun.
我们去哪儿 Where are we going?
你还记得蒂芙妮吗 To hang out with my new friend,
我和她出去玩 Remember that girl, Tiffani.
那个比塔拉·雷还淫荡的女人吗[美国女演员] The sluttier version of Tara Reid?
你跟她混? You're hanging out with her?
至少她肯当知心大姐 She wanted to hear about my problems.
真是可疑 I smell a rat
那个隆胸的女人在搞鬼 With fake tits.
敬所有和我上过床 To all the boys I fucked
就销声匿迹的男人 And never called back.
少不了一百个吧 That must be like a hundred.
十年前还差不多 Like ten years ago maybe.
敬我早日迎头赶上 Here's to me catching up.
整件网络聊天的 So, this whole internet...
骗局 Lie.
是表演啦 Performance
完全是我的主意 Was totally 100% my idea.
和卡西无关 Casey had nothing to do with it.
但是他在和我聊天吧 But he's the one who chatted with me, right?
没错 Yes.
但实际上是我强迫他的 But I practically raped him into it.
那他所说的 有多少是出自他本意 So what he said, how much of that was him?
只要是好的方面就都是 Just the good stuff.
有你这种朋友真幸运 He's lucky to have you,
当然强迫的部分除外 Except for the raping part.
向强迫致敬 To the raping part.
相信我 Trust me,
这可比刮毛管用 This is so much better than shaving.
感觉太诡异了 That feels really weird.
屁股就像是雪花片 Assholes are like snowflakes.
说到漂亮的屁股 Speaking of pretty assholes,
你为什么和莱昂内那种人约会啊 Why were you dating that Lionel guy?
什么 你就没和混球约会过吗 What? You've never dated an asshole before?
甜心 就像是大便和屁股一样 Honey, assholes are attracted to me
我对混球特有吸引力 Like shit to assholes.
那你为什么和他们一起呢 And why did you stay with them?
性爱啊 Sex.
一点没错 Exactly!
我们的问题一样 I have the same problem,
我也无法抗拒老二的诱惑 I can't say no to cock.
完全同意 Oh, you're fucking to the choir.
一遇到老二 我就大脑一片空白 Dick, it just like blinds me,
知道吧 You know.
你把我的皮都扯掉啦 You ripped out my sphincter!
该我啦 My turn.
扎克完全被你迷住了 You know, Zack is totally into you.
不 他没有 No he's not.
我应该放弃 I need to give up
去找个丑一点的家伙 And go for someone uglier.
当然不能像迈克尔·斯蒂普那样丑(美国歌手) Not like Michael Stipe ugly,
但至少 But at least
洛福斯·温莱特那种就差不多了[加拿大歌手] Rufus Wainwright ugly.
我不看那种节目 I don't watch that show.
但我好歹也见识过不少同志 But I've been watching gay guys for years.
他们以为脱衣舞男从不左顾右盼吗 See, they don't think the strippers can see back,
那就大错特错 But we totally can.
你们的问题在于从不交谈 You guys' problem is you don't even talk to each other,
总等着对方先主动 You're always waiting for someone else to make the first move.
我给了他手机号码 I gave him my number,
志愿参加男人拍卖 I volunteered for the male sale,
还为了他脱衣服 I took off my shirt for him.
在网上追他 I stalked him on the internet.
从来都是我主动 I made all the moves.
但你没告诉他 你喜欢他 But when'd you tell him you liked him.
要知道 你可以背着我偷腥 You know, you could cheat on me,
偷光我的钱 Steal all my money
干掉我妈都成 And kill my mother
只要够性感 But if you're hot,
我就能原谅你 I'll make excuses for you
除非你哪天离开我 Until the day you leave me.
或者成了同志 Or turn gay.
也许两样都有 Or both.
见鬼 Oh, damn,
龙舌兰喝光了 All out of liquor.
我们出去吧 Let's get out of here.
这个你就留着吧 You can have that one,
反正我家里还有很多 I got plenty at home.
披萨应该快到了 That pizza ought to be here any minute.
披萨啊 Yum, pizza.
如果你男友扎克 What if your boyfriend Zack
就是送披萨的呢 Was the delivery boy?
你真是没节操 You are such a stripper.
还有 他不是我男友 And he's not my boyfriend.
我去门口等着 看看披萨来了没 I gotta hit the head, get the door if the pizza comes.
表演服装
你真是坏孩子 You've been a very bad boy.
你有权保持性感 You have the right to remain sexy.
你所触摸的一切都将成为 Anything you touch will be held against you
呈床证供 In the court of my...
用大香肠干我吧 Hit me with that pepperoni!
卡西 Casey?
先走一步 你俩慢慢聊哈 拜 Gotta go, you two work it out, bye.
见鬼 Damn it!
嗨 扎克 Hey Zack.
帽子不错 Nice hat.
他们干起来了吗 Are they fucking yet?
连手都没牵呢 Not even close.
这能管用吗 Is this gonna work?
相信我 这可是有科学依据的 Trust me, it's science.
把两个男人关在一起 If you leave two dicks together,
肯定有一方忍不住要做 Eventually one of them's going to need sucking.
跟监狱里一样 Like prison.
我为过去的一切道歉 I'm really sorry about what I did.
有谁会做这种事啊 Who does stuff like that?
缺乏自信的人吧 People with no self-esteem?
还是故意的 It's kinda mean.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry,
事情失控了 It got out of hand.
我只是想...想 I just...I wanted to...
我也不知道 I don't know.
我只是想认识你 I wanted to meet you.
你已经认识我了呀 You did meet me.
我知道 我真是个笨蛋 I know, I'm just an idiot.
算了 这没什么 It's not a big deal,
反正都结束了 It's over.
快点啊 Come on,
现在应该行动了啊 This is the part where you fuck him.
伙计 他俩大眼瞪小眼 Man, he just looked at you.
就是不动手 Look back.
同性相吸原则应该随时爆发的 The dick sucking principle should take effect any second.
才不是呢 我在俱乐部见过这种场面 Nah, I've seen guys do this at the club.
他们就坐在那里 They'll sit there for hours
一句话都不说 And never say a word,
不论多喜欢对方都不作表示 No matter how much they like each other.
快去做点什么 Go do something.
我又帮不上忙 There's nothing I can do.
除非 Except...
怎么 What?
施展我的脱衣舞男魔力 Work my stripper magic.
脱衣舞男魔力 Stripper magic?
我一看到两个人在那里啥都不做 When I see two guys doing this at the club,
我就跳到他们中间 I'll get between them
让他们的手抚过我的身体 And make them put their hands all over me.
之后 我再溜掉 Then, I'll get out of the way
他们就会激动起来 And they're so worked up
绻绻缠绵到一块了 That they're all over each other.
你真是脱衣舞男版的哈里特·塔布曼(美国改革家) You're like a stripper Harriett Tubman.
没错 Exactly!
那就上吧 改革家 Get to it Harriett,
火烧屁股了 The dogs are coming.
谢天谢地我们能走了吗 Thank god, can we leave now?
你们给我好好坐着 You boys sit right there,
好戏才刚刚开场呢 This party's just getting started.
我来给你们示范下脱衣经典舞步 Let me show you some classic stripper moves.
你他妈到底想干嘛 What the fuck are you doing?
你们两个 给我集中精神 You guys are at full attention,
瑞安警官这就来拯救你们 And Sergeant Ryan's here to release it.
现在 你们两个 Now, both of you
许个愿 用力拉 Make a wish and pull.
你开玩笑吧 You've got to be kidding me.
这件衬衫可真碍眼 Well it is kind of an ugly shirt.
太大众了 Totally generic.
这才像话 That's more like it.
这下毫无拘束了 Free.
快扯开我紧绷的牛仔裤吧 Now, rip open rigid Ryan's jeans.
你不是直人吗 You're straight?
我们三个大男人 We're just three dudes
不过找点乐子罢了 Having some fun.
快扯 Now pull.
你硬了吗 Are you hard?
好像是 Maybe.
你呢 Are you?
快把裤子脱了吧 Gotta get out of these pants.
就没法性感地脱掉裤子 对吧 There's never a sexy way to get the jeans off.
我不知道 我觉得吧 I don't know, that's pretty...
刚才你就很性感 Sexy.
该你们了 Your turn.
啥 For what?
我可是免费教你们跳脱衣舞啊 For your free lesson in exotic dancing,
这可是实实在在的技能呢 It's an actual skill you know.
我加入 I'm in.
我就看着好了 I'll watch.
别看白戏 快来 No looky-loos, come on.
脱掉衬衫 要更自信一点 Undo your shirts. With more confidence.
慢慢地解开 A slow reveal.
很好 Good.
到最后一粒扣子时 Now, when you get to the last button,
拉开你的衣领 再慢慢地脱掉 Take your shirt at the collar and slowly peel it off.
很好 很火辣 Good, that's hot.
是啊 Yeah.
现在 像我那样脱掉裤子 Now, pull your pants off like I did,
身体往前倾 就像这样 And lead forward, like this.
快点 我们不还穿着内裤嘛 Come on, we're in underwear.
扎克 来帮下忙 Zack, come here, take a side.
真的很有趣 Well, that was certainly fun.
快给我个膝上艳舞 Now give me a lap dance.
这样如何 How's this?
你跳得跟个直男一样 You dance like a straight boy.
你必须这样摆动 You need to move them like this.
用力推 不能停 You're all thrust and no grind.
卡西 过来 Casey, come here.
扶住这里 Put your hands here.
像这样 Feel this.
这才火辣 That's hot.
你俩真是绝配 You know, you guys make a hot couple.
伙计们 我想我该 Guys, I think I'm gonna...
你都硬成这样了 哪儿也别去 You're not gonna go anywhere when you're that hard.
老天 Oh yeah.
真他妈火辣 That's so hot.
老天爷 Oh my god,
真他妈欲火中烧 That is so fucking hot!
操你娘的 Fuck yeah,
操那小妞 Work that pussy.
这是怎么回事 And what do we have here?
快滚 Shew, get away.
我现在不做女同那档子事了 I don't do the lesbian thing anymore.
我就知道会这样 I knew this was gonna happen.
是吗 You did?
过来 Get over here.
见鬼的 What the...
准备好接受特殊服务了吗 Ready for the Zack special?
帮我 Help me.
我的神啊 Holy crap.
我可从没试过3P Oh yeah, I've never had two months before, yeah,
你们一人一边 One of you do the balls.
爽毙了 Oh my god!
你们为什么和扎克搞在一起 Why are you fucking with Zack?
理论上说 我是在看着他们 搞在一起 Technically I'm watching them fuck with Zack.
我现在就去阻止这场疯狂的闹剧 I'm breaking up that blow fest right now.
休想 除非你从火辣的尸体上踩过去 Over my hot dead body.
我正是这么计划的 That's what I was planning.
这是阴毛膏吗 Is that pussy juice?
可值钱了呢 A thousand dollars worth.
伙计们 我 Guys, I'm gonna...
我会 I'm gonna...
我要 I'm gonna...
圣母玛利亚 珍娜·洁美森(著名色情明星) Jesus mary Jenna Jameson!
我们之前干的时候我可没听过这话 I've never heard that without anything in my pussy before.
你这该死的贱人 You fucking bitch.
要我再给你一脚吗 Let me kick that pussy again.
谭迪 Tandy?
蒂芙妮 Tiffani?
抱歉我来晚啦 Sorry I'm late.
女人之间的纠葛 Woman things.
老天 我想死你的老二了 God, I miss that cock.
你没事吧 Are you ok?
快杀了那个贱人 Kill the bitch.
到底是怎么回事 What the hell happened?
我是想要保护你 I was trying to protect you.
我很感激你 I appreciate it
但结果是皆大欢喜 But it turns out that everything's just fine.
好得不能再好了 Better than fine.
啥 What?
你找到你生命中的另一半了吗 Are you life partners now?
我觉得我们 I think we're...
要感谢我和赖安 Thanks to me and Ryan,
还有赖安的小弟弟 And Ryan's friend.
扎克 我有个完美的初次约会计划 Zack, I have the perfect first date for us.
就像你和他的初次约会吗 Like your first date with him?
你和别人没什么区别 You're just like everyone else.
妈的 Fuck you!
一群混帐 You're all assholes.
我好想念和你做的时候 I miss how we fuck.
直男硬汉赖安也想你 Rigid Ryan misses you too.
来吧 Come on,
我们把同性恋的玩意从你老二上吸掉 Let's go suck the gay out of your cock.
我恨网络 I hate the internet.
你可以用它来做点除了性以外的事 You can use it for things other than sex.
比如呢 Like what?
好吧 也许同志没有别的事了 Well, maybe gay people can't.
说到 我简直不敢相信 Speaking of trolling for sex, i can't believe
卡西就这么 和第一个 Casey just slept with the first thing
看上他的家伙做了 That looked at him.
我讨厌他 Ugh, I hate him.
不过站在他的角度 But in his defense,
你算是甩了他 You did sort of reject him.
所以呢 So?
换成是你的话 What did you do
莱昂内甩了你的时候怎么做 When Lionel rejected you?
你会去找 线上一夜情 You trolled... Online for sex.
我好烦你总是对的 I hate that you're always right.
仿佛耶稣才是我的GAY蜜 It's like jesus is my fag hag.
等等 抱歉 Wait, sorry,
我知道你不喜欢被叫成 I know you don't like being called...
我想通了 I'm dealing with it.
我是你的GAY蜜 I'm your fag hag.
但不是随便谁的GAY蜜 Not a fag hag.
只是你的专有 Your fag hag.
谢谢你 亲爱的 Thank you sweetie.
但是我要是你的GAY蜜 But if I'm your fag hag,
那你就是我的GAY男 Then you're my gay bitch.
GAY男 爱他的GAY蜜 Gay bitch loves his fag hag.
你最好够贱 我可是为你弄了个熊猫眼 You better bitch, i got a black eye for you.
卡西 宝贝 怎么了 Casey? Honey?
我要搬回家 I'm moving back home.
收拾完以后 Can you drop me off at the bus station
你能送我去车站吗 when I'm done packing?
我以为你交到新朋友了呢 I thought you were making new friends?
你不喜欢这里吗 Don't you like it here?
房租便宜 天气好 The cheap rent, the beautiful weather,
同志多 The abundance of gay ass.
我把一切都搞砸了 I turned everything into a big wet mess.
宝贝 哪有那么糟糕 Honey, it can't be that bad.
很可怕的 It's horrible!
简直是性爱的911 It's like 9/11 but with sex.
那是口交911 Like a 69/11.
你真行 You're horrible.
宝贝 好啦 Honey, come on.
我不知道 I don't know what kind
你遇上了 Of orgie-astic corfafel
什么倒霉事 You've gotten yourself Wrapped up in.
但是我知道 But I do know
逃避不是办法 That when you run from your problems,
假如不解决 The location might change
不管去到哪里问题都会跟着你 But your problems Will be right there waiting for you.
只是那边 没有便宜的房租 Only there you won't have cheap rent
温和的天气 And this beautiful weather.
那同志呢 What about The abundance of gay ass?
宝贝 同志遍天下 Honey, you can find that anywhere.
好啦 Now come on,
告诉海伦阿姨 你的问题 Tell your auntie Helen all about your problem.
肯定没啥大不了 I promise you won't shock me.
好吧 我在网上装成赖安跟扎克聊天 Ok, I pretended to be Ryan to Zack online
但后来真赖安出现了 还和扎克约会 But then Ryan showed up and went out with Zack
来报复蒂芙妮 To get back at Tiffani.
无论如何 我想扎克发觉了 Anyway, i think Zack realized
他喜欢的是我的内涵 He liked me for who I am
而不是赖安的皮囊 And not the way Ryan looked
但他从没和我说过 But he never told me.
所以我和莱昂内上床了 So I fucked Lionel
他似乎正想和扎克重归于好 Who was probably just trying to get back at Zack,
再后来赖安为了 And then Ryan got Zack and me
撮合扎克和我 To give him a blowjob
让我们给他吹箫 In order to get us together.
这方法的确有效 And it actually worked.
但扎克收到我和莱昂内 Until Zack got a videoclip
的性爱视频后就完了 Of me and Lionel doing it.
那么 扎克没说过他对你的想法 So, Zack never told you how he felt.
没错 Yeah.
你就这样离开这里 And you're just gonna leave town
连个让他说话的机会都不给就走 Without giving him a chance to.
你不能走 You're not leaving town
你这个呆瓜 You fuck tard.
我们还有约的 We have a date
我才不要一个人 去那个拍卖 And I'm not running that auction alone.
这贱人说的没错 The slut's right.
不能因为 有人伤害了你小弟弟的感情 Don't pussy out on the youth center
就在青年中心 Just because someone hurt
变成缩头乌龟了 Your dick's feelings.
我欣赏她 Love her.
还有 要是你逃避问题 Besides, when you run from your problems,
环境是能换... The location may change...
我已经听过这段说教了 I already got that speech.
那我们 还等什么呢 Then what are we waiting for?
小种马 要迟到了 Cum boy, we're gonna be late.
再见啦 Bah-bye.
我闻到了开放酒吧的味道 I smell an open bar.
给我来点威士忌 要纯的 Get me anything with a whiskey and nothing else.
太好了 你来了 Oh good, you came.
天哪 我来了 Oh my god, I did.
扎克 我... Zack, I...
这是你的词 Here's the stuff you need to say.
别搞杂了 Don't bomb.
"行别约结"是什么 What's a "ligabut?"
是"性别越界" That's LGBT.
那是什么 What's that?
神啊 Jesus christ,
我得带你去休息室准备一下 I have to get you to the green room.
扎克 等等 Zack, wait,
我是来道歉的 I came to apologize.
真可笑 Funny,
之前你说你是来 Originally you said you were coming
支持同志社团的 To support the gay community.
同志活动 You know the gay scene
不是我关心的重点 Isn't really my thing.
知道吗 对于你们这种 You know for someone who talks down
瞧不起同志活动的人来说 On the gay scene so much,
你的表现已经 You really go out of your way
说明了一切 To represent the worst of it.
想着吹箫呢 Blowjob for your thoughts?
你想干什么 What do you want?
得了 我所做的只是为了证明 Come on, all I did was prove that the guy
你那个"朋友"是个假货 You thought was your friend is just a big phony.
你应该开心才对 You should be happy.
你认为把你的性爱视频发给我 You thought that sending me your sex video
以为我会开心吗 Would make me happy?
我必须做点什么把你们分开 I had to do something to keep you apart.
为什么 Why?
你知道原因 You know why.
说出来 Say it.
我吃醋 行吗 I was jealous, alright?
我就知道 I knew it.
不止这些 And it wasn't just that.
我看得出你跟他有一腿 I could tell you were connecting with him.
我要你回到我身边 I want you back.
你知道我有多想要你回来吗 Can you feel how badly I want you back?
我不在乎你有多性感 I don't care how hot you are,
我要得更多 I need more.
真有深度 So deep.
如果说想要一个人 If it's deep to want someone
能尊重我的思想 Who's gonna respect me
聆听我的内心 And listen to me
鼓舞我做 And inspire me to do things
意想不到的事情 That I'd never thought I'd do.
那么没错 我是个有深度的人 Then yeah, I'm deep.
你对我来说太肤浅了 And you're too shallow for me.
祝你的慈善筹款一切顺利 Good luck raising money for your charity
我的屁股不参加拍卖了 Without auctioning off my ass
我朋友的屁股也不参加 And my friend's asses.
你不会的 这是为了团体 You wouldn't, this is for the community.
去他的团体 Fuck the community.
莱昂内 Lionel!
各位同志和崇拜者们 Hello, hello queers and wannabes.
欢迎来到第十届年度男性拍卖 Welcome to the tenth annual male sale.
十届 Tenth?
我可不认为 I didn't think
同志能在什么事上坚持这么久 A gay could commit to anything for that long.
我是蒂芙妮 I'm Tiffani,
你们的贱司仪 Your mattress of ceremonies.
我爱这个变装皇后 I love that drag queen.
扎克 我很抱歉 我... Zack, I'm sorry, I...
现在是个好机会 Now's your chance
证明你来这里 To prove you're really here
是为了支持团体 To support the community.
什么 What?
莱昂内和他朋友 Lionel and his friends
退出了拍卖 Dropped out of the auction
所以我要你和这位脱衣舞明星 And I need you and the strip master here
穿上拳击短裤 To get in your boxers
让我卖掉 And let me sell you.
在舞台上脱衣服? Take off my shirt on stage?
算我一个 I'm in.
扎克 抱歉 Zack, I'm sorry...
这件事 This is more important
比你和谁睡过觉 Than whoever
或者对谁撒过谎都重要 You're sleeping with or lying to.
这些钱是用来维系 This money helps support
马修·谢巴德青年项目 The Matthew Shepard youth program,
马修·谢巴德阅览室 The Matthew Shepard reading room,
马修·谢巴德热线 The Matthew Shepard hotline
还有马修·谢巴德 And the Matthew Shepard
无家可归人士游泳队 Homeless synchronized swim team.
好啦 Alright,
最后让我们开始猛男 Finally let's get to the prostituting.
拍卖 Auctioning.
把肉拿上来 Bring out the meat.
我们的第一头小种马 For our first stud
有请莱昂内 We have Lionel!
卡西 Casey!
上吧 孩子 You go boy!
看看他 Look at his
凹凸有致的肌肉和性感的... Rippling muscles and sexy...
抱歉 I'm sorry,
这些是说那个走掉的家伙的 This was for the guy we were supposed to have.
看看他的...个性 Look at his...personality.
卡西是个异乡人 Casey is an out of towner
他喜欢 上网找扎克 That enjoys cruising online for Zack,
谈论扎克 Talking about zack,
他美甲美我在沙龙工作 And working at Nail Me salon.
位于 山楂巷4255号 Located at 4255 Hawthorne lane,
记得打电话来预约唷 Call for an appointment.
把上衣脱掉 Take off your shirt!
好啦 现在开始回到正题 Ok, now we're talking.
你见过 Have you ever seen
这么白花花的肉吗 Such white flesh.
好啦 让我们开始竞价 Ok, let's get the bidding started.
谁出第一个 Who's gonna be first?
50块 50 dollars,
我们从50块开始 We got a 50 dollar bid,
谁给我出个 Who's gonna give me
50块 A 50 dollar bid?
这贱人干得不错
50块 50 dollar, 50 dollar bid.
10块 10 dollars!
竞价从50块开始 Bidding starts at 50,
贱人 Bitches.
11块 11!
把裤子脱掉 Take off your pants.
什么 What?
我们很饥渴 We are desperate here.
在你脱掉衣服 And while you're stripping down
展示你美好的安德鲁·卡斯汀牌内裤时 To your beautiful andrew Christian briefs,
跟我们讲讲 Why don't you tell us
同志中心的 What the Matthew Shepard program
马修·谢巴德项目 At the center
对你的意义 Means to you.
我曾经认为 I used to think
同志中心跟我没什么关系 The center didn't apply to me at all.
我认为它是 I thought it was
一群老家伙 Just a bunch of old guys
寻找性伴侣的地方 Looking to get their rocks off.
但是一个朋友 But a friend
强迫我在这里做义工 Forced me to volunteer here
于是在这里我遇到了这群老家伙中的一个 Where I met one of these old guys
面对面地交流 Face to face.
老弟 我错了 Boy, was I wrong.
他是个富有同情心的人 He was a caring person,
倾尽所有 卖力工作 Emptying his wallet and busting his ass
来设法让我这样的人 To make sure that people like me
不重复走他不得不 Don't have to go through the shit
经历的老路 That people like him had to.
然而他只是 And he's just
这里这么多人中的一员 One of the dozens of people here
他们努力帮助 Trying to help
成千上万像我这样的孩子 Thousands of kids like me.
这个夏天的初始 I started this summer
我在同志社团 Feeling at odds
过得并不愉快 With the gay community
但现在 But now
我看着你们的面孔 I look out at your faces
我看到了一个 And I see a friend
为了保护朋友 Who will do anything
赴汤蹈火的女孩 To protect the people close to her.
一个令我敬仰的榜样 An example for me to aspire to.
一个可以随时依靠的荡妇 A bitch when you need one.
一个家人 A family
即使你自己 That won't let you fail
都放弃的时候 依然鼓励你的家人 Even when you've already given up on yourself.
还有一个 And a leader,
改变我们 Who can change the way
看人方式 We see each other
教会我们 珍视自己财富的社团领袖 And teach us about the things that really matter.
我为自己是它的一员而骄傲 And I couldn't be prouder to be a part of this.
100块 100 dollars.
200块 200 dollars.
500块 500 dollars.
这真是一个意外的惊喜 This is an unexpected surprise.
500块 500 dollars,
出价到500块了 We have a 500 dollar bid,
谁出个600块 Who's gonna give me 600?
3200块 3,200 dollars.
什么 What?
3200块 3,200 dollars.
不是有意冒犯还是其他的 但是 Not to be rude or anything but,
贱人 你有 这么多钱吗 Bitch, do you have that kind of money?
那是你去意大利的旅费 That's your Italy money.
我再也不用去意大利寻找浪漫了 I don't need to go to Italy for romance.
成交 Sold!
看看你都要笑开花了 Look at that sweet smile,
你真行 You're precious.
赖安1989 Ryan1989,
你比照片还火辣 You are way hotter than your pic.
真高兴我跟了你 I'm so glad I stalked you.
没你的老二在中间 It's not as hot without your dick
他们一样打得火热 In the middle.
准备好了吗 You ready?
要是谁看见了这个 If anyone ever sees this,
我就杀了你 I'll kill you.
别担心 Don't worry.
只有我们看 Just for us.
这也挺火辣的 Is it kind of hot?
什么 怎么在直播 What? Is it on broadcasting?
什么 What?